After Thoughts!

As if I did not have enough drama in my life I continue to add fuel to the fire by introducing even more characters to the Soap Opera. I have found a friend in a new man. (You will not believe how much thought went into that one sentence)

He is absolutely wonderful. (Even more thought.)

But is seems like when I introduce anyone as absolutely wonderful I am almost always mistaken by the end of the day. I don't think so with this one. But his sugary sweetness comes with a cost. I am 18 years his junior (not necessarily a bad thing if one's mantra is AGE AINT NOTHING BUT A NUMBER) but it weighs on my mind sometimes. I think about what I may have missed out on in his life. It is as though I am late to my own happiness.

I spoke to him this morning and I caught myself missing his face but the feelings that came attached to the thought weren't the intense sexual appetite and salivating that I experience when I think of Jah but a warm fuzzy feeling and whispering in the dark recollections that make me smile.

Isn't if funny how you meet people in your life and how they become important to you. I often wonder if I had left Montclair months before how I would have missed out on some of the most memorable moments in my life and Mr. Absolutely Wonderful. But part of me knows that I love spontaneity and the rush of life sometimes and he is so subdued sometimes. I don't know what to do with my new sweetheart. I already know that I love him dearly but a relationship is not in the cards for us.

If I were his woman, I wouldn't let him go for the world.

Is anyone in the market for Mr. Wonderful?

Looking for Love in all the wrong places

Of course, being the woman that I am and a true glutton for punishment I have ventured back into the land of Jah and the good dick that only he can provide. (Can you tell I don't get out much!)

I have talked up this problem, talked around it and talked over it for the past four months and nothing has been resolved.

So here is what happened:
I got a call the other day at my job, on my cell and it is from him.

Prelude: I had demoted him to fuck-buddy since my last entry but of cause not much can be done about the feelings you harbor for someone. After a night of what seemed like endless-passionate sex I fell asleep in his arms and woke up refreshed and a little tossled. Yum I thought. I was at my desk and my mind settled on him and I thought it would be a good time to send him a text message just wishing him a good day and lettimg him know that I was thinking of him.

Back to the story:
My phone rings 5 minutes after I send the text message and I answer, happy that he called and all warm and fuzzy from the deluge of kisses he had left me with earlier that morning. Instead of his usually "Baby" or "Hi", there is a woman screaming on the other end.

Honestly, my first thought was, "Not this shit again! I knew it!"

I am sitting at my desk and I have been made a witness to a confrontation between him and his ex. She has seen my message (he was at her house - AGAIN! and read his messages - AGAIN! and was confronting him-AGAIN! and I was being brought into the mix - AGAIN!) There is a revelation about a pregnancy, talk of flowers and "I love yous" to her and his double life. I am truly an idiot.

I listen to their conversation, or confrontation, he is unaware that I am on the phone and can hear every word that she is saying (it was she who called me) and he denies nothing.

I sit in stunned silence in my offices holding my phone listening as she berates him on his selfishness. Suddenly she screams and there is scuffling. I can hear them struggling over the phone. I assume he has realized that I am on the line and the gig is up. I am disconnected.

He waits till 11pm to call me. This is after two text messages, 4 phone calls and voice message from me asking if she was okay. I did not want some dead pregnant woman on my conscience. I can't go back now. I said my goodbyes calmly that night. He tried to explain that she was not telling the truth. My response: If he did not know I was on the phone, the why permit her to lie about your situation even if in argument, why didn't he "correct" her? Once he realized I was on the other line why not call and check on me? Don't call me anymore.

God should have made a Bullshit radar and given me a double helping.