Misplaced Morals, Wavering Morale

I slipped and fell and landed hard on my morals and they broke. It happened early this morning as I stepped out of the tub and was bending over trying to slip on my chastity belt. I slipped in some holy water and whoosh there I went, and landed hard on them, there was an audible and very distinct crunch. Even above the loud clanging of my belt on the tiles I knew what I had done.

So here I go people. I say “forget chastity”, never mind I picked the lock on that thing years ago and the only reason I am still sporting it is because rhinestones are making a comeback!

I am working on my own version of chastity. It involves monogamy but in the sense that I will deal with my men one at a time.

I am not the Queen of the Damned here when I say that. It is damn near impossible to play innocent in our world today.

Before we continue I must place you on notice.
Disclaimer: I will get pretty crass in this entry and there is a little bit of my own sexual frustration exhibited here. I speak only for myself and the opinions expressed here do stem from personal experience (why front!)

I am working on recruiting a few more women to my goal in life. I am tired of the women that don’t give head. It is a give and take process women. I know some of you are a little phobic about it, so baby wipe it, rub some honey on it and get to work! I know it is a little crass but we all knew I was going to break out of my shell sooner or later. I am even more fed up of the men that don’t give head (Yes, I am talking to you). I have seen you eat more icky things and I don’t think making you lick on me is going to spoil the mood. I especially don’t like the men that just don’t know how to give good head; you get mad kudos for trying but don’t go there if you have not completed the training program. Call up your ex and ask her for some tips (unless that is why she broke up with your sorry ass in the first place, in which case you weren’t listening).

If you have a beard, 5 o’clock shadow or mustache, it is not cool for you to be down there. God! Get a clue!

If you have a phobia about it, I offer to you the same advice baby - wipe it, rub some honey on it and get to WORK! I don’t have issues with all men and I can have fun without head, but kissing is essential. Kissing is art, it can’t be taught, there are no moves that can improve the technique of a truly bad kisser.

For those of you who don’t know what qualifies as bad kissing, review the following:
Too much saliva – this is always a bad thing, ALWAYS!
Too fast – self explanatory.
Too much tongue – you are not trying to cut off the other person’s air supply. Tongue wrestling is cute but make sure you are both clued into what you are doing.
Using your teeth during a kiss is not fun, matter-of-fact it is downright scary. Don’t do it unless you have both agreed that there will be nibbling involved.
The introduction of air, either by belching or just pockets of trapped air is just not right. I know this is really a strange one but hopefully you never have this problem.

If you have any suggestions please feel free to add.

All in all I am really confused about this playing innocent shit. I am a freak and I admit it wholeheartedly, if there were a national anthem for super-venus-freaks like me I would sing it from my window everyday. You can definitely be a freak and not a whore. The difference is when and with whom you unleash your inner freak. Not everyone has to experience your freak within.